Jaegerschotz vol. 1, no. 2

Tooling along on 694 yesterday, I hit a sudden slowdown approaching the "unweave the weave" project. There was no construction going on and all lanes were wide open, yet a jam had formed on a Saturday afternoon. Soon I saw the reason. Wish I had a camera. There was a speed limit sign that showed the limit and the minumum. The top half was covered as the 60mph max is reduced during construction. The bottom half read "Minimum 45." You get the picture? the masses of asses were reading the 45 but apparently didn't understand the complicated concept of "minimum."

Stumbled upon the Prairie Home Companion. Say what you want about Garry's snooty attitude and wrong-headed politics, the guy can sure spin a tale. Absolutely hilarious story centered on horse flies. Amazing how he can produce this stuff of the top of his head, A technique of his that he shares with my late beloved Nana is to start a story, veer way off and come back to the original topic at the end. I try to do it, but not too good at it yet. I thought the Squished Bunny story was a good effort, but I went so far afield that I suppose the readers dropped off before I got around to the subject.

Inspired subplot involving the Pastor Inquvist aiming a shotgun at the cloud of horse flies that were attracted by his ice cream maker, as the Lutheran Ladies Quartet was coming down the street singing a hymn. Mrs. Inquist shreiked "Don't kill them just because they're Protestants!"

The postscript was clever by half. He asked guest Linda Ronstadt if he had mentioned the gas grill, which of course he hadn't. When she replied in the negative he shrugged it off, saying that it must not have been important. Funny stuff.

I have had some severe financial crises in the past week to add to my kids driving me nuts and the health. Nevertheless, $1200 for a six month old Apple G4 listing for over $3000 was an eBay score I couldn't pass by. Also picked up a nice stereo cabinet ($6.95) to expand the shelf space for my growing A/V equipment inventory, three nice sturdy folding plastic patio chairs $3.00) and a car adapter for my Nokia (($.99), so I considered it a thrifty day.

This is my first effort at using the Apple text editor and I am already in love. Hate the built in keyboard but the wireless full-size is the best keyboard I've used since the Wang days. Those Wang keyboards were the best ever. Also use a wireless mouse that I am calling "Uber Rodent." Touch, feel, design are a revelation. The 15" side screen is incredible.

I have made very few typos!!!!

Now I have to figure out how to get this on the blog, but when I first opened the lid at Bentley's yesterday, I went straight on-line withhout hours of guess and mess. For a career Apple disser, I have been seen the light. Worth the outrage price, REALLY worth a third of it!

I was hauling the empty propane tank from the mosquito trap and stumbled on the deck steps, lacerating my leg and laying me helplessly prostrate. "I've fallen and I can't get up" is no longer amuses. I have been losing balance more frequently but usually am prepared and holding onto something, So I bought a $5.95 nifty walker at the thrift store. Easier to get out of bed to pee and I can take a bath without dragging a chair out of the kitchen. Won't be much help carrying propane tanks.

Characters under consideration: Butch the Gay Guy, who got his name before his parents knew that he was going to be a submissive; Malcom (Max) Exposure the talented and very addled and eccentric photojournalist; Garage Opener Guy who sets up shop at the open air international market down on Como. Everyone I know can never have enought remotes. Ever thought you might like to have access to a relative or friend's garage? Just take note of the brand, and what color of button (red, green or yellow) or any wisp of info and he'll get you the right opener, cheap.

Secret note to anyone who has been let in on my big idea please email me so I can start a list.

Cheers!