Thursday, June 15, 2006

A Curious Packet

Hi All!

DISCLAIMER: Highly Creative Prose. Those what might will accuse the auteur of writing, as has been his wont in the past, admittedly practising that art of Wordsmithy employing the classic techniques of Leary, Hemmingway, Fizgerald, Belushi, O'Rourke and Keillor. In other words, what follows is a challenge to the reader's sophisticated taste, convention, the very foundation of the written word.... In other words, PURE B.S. as only the Wog can dump on endless, immortal and damned hard to kill Cyberspace.

And now for something completely different ......

Our postman, the only USPS carrier I've met outside of a bar, delivered a crumpled manila lettersize envelope which I reckoned contained 'bout three 20lb sheets, a 5"x6" glossy handout an SASE and a candidate survey.

At his point the blogger editor ate half of my homework, the best stuff Ive ever done straight. I can sort of try to reconstruct it. but it was such one-of stuff I couldn't possibly bring it back, so I will pass go and finished this up conventionally so it goes out on time.

It was hand stamped and addressed. so my hairy little antennae perked up. Now I enjoy looking at junk mail more than some. Safe if you don't buy what they're tricking you into. Bills and collection notices and such are saved for later--much much later at times. Or until I lose it. They'll send another if it's so important. I'm doing my best to keep my carrier Trivia buddies employed.

But to receive an ORIGINAL piece of mail is rare enough nowadays as to stimulate little beads of sweaty anxiety.

The return address was from a political bette noir on both sides of the aisle, the pugnacious right-wing "Taxpayer's League of Minnesota."

Relieved, now curious, I figured it was something neat from Strommy and Mason.

Oddly addressed to something called "Citizens for Kuettel", it contained a "Candidate Questionairre" loaded with one-sided questions, which was the norm for all such special interest surveys I answered in my political candidate days of the early '90s.

Apparently, adding to an ugly rumor being passed around the MOB (Mn Org of Bloggers) undeground, was a clerical error at the Campaign Finance and Disclosure Board. In an effort to collect a past due $65 fine for failure to make a final campaign report 10 years ago, the new person refiled my committee in the "Active" file cabinet on the North wall of the office lobby.

I first caught wind of this unfortunate situation when the plastic corrugated postcards from sign printer ambulance chasers started clogging the mailbox like the legal advice offers that greet one after a weekend in the slammer.

The mailing was disappointingly predictable and boiler plate, including a "personal" letter from David who, busy fellow who doesn't mind letting you know. He forgot to sign over his name. Gee, at least have one of your slaves forge it! As a matter of fact, "classy" guys will cross out your name and hand write it to show familiarity. Blue ink is essential. I prefer a sharpee for best effect, but Strom should use a fountain pen if not a quill. Details are the devil.

I expect to see the suspects at Keegan's Trivia night. I will bring my survey and have David 'splain it to me.

I hope he brings his great sense of humor.



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